Mi Abuelita

Oh my goodness what a jammed packed last few weeks it has been for me. My European trip was a success and filled with A LOT of eating! More importantly, I got to spend quality time with my sweet Man.

We almost didn’t make the trip TWICE.

First attempt: We arrived at the airport all giddy to find out I couldn’t board my flight due to my passport NOT being SIX MONTHS valid before the travel date (it’s the law in some foreign countries). Shit HIT the fan. With a great deal of prayer (more like begging to my angels) I was able to get an emergency passport issued to me the following morning at the Federal Building. It wasn’t all smooth. There was MAJOR stress in every single minute of the 24 hours and I was determined to make the flight. My ujjayi breathing (in yoga it’s a technique that helps calm the mind and warm the body) went out the window. I was a MESS. My ass was running across the Federal Building front lawn to meet my Man at the corner of Wilshire Blvd. from driving back and forth to our house because I had forgotten the paperwork I needed that was NOT at home in my backpack, but instead in a folder in the back seat of the car all along!

Second attempt: We arrived at the airport all giddy to find out the computer system had crashed at the airport. Two hours later it was up and running only to find out that Air France cancelled all flights due to the Brussels bombing…

Third attempt: One week later we boarded our flight.

The week leading up to the trip my Mom called with news that my Abuelita had been found unresponsive. My Abuelita is ninety five. She has never been unresponsive, ever. I immediately began to pray while a bunch of thoughts flooded my mind. I wanted her to get better so I could see her before I left on my trip. Even though she is ninety five, I still want her to live forever. She has always been in my life and I don’t want that to ever change, ever.

She did bounce back and I booked a flight to see her in Salinas, California. My Mom and Sister met me there and we had a nice, relaxing time together. She was back to being herself, quick and witty. The next day my Sister and I dolled up my Abuelita for an outing to Whole Foods. I pulled a nice silk scarf out from her drawer and draped it around her fragile neck and powered her chest with her favorite Estee Lauder powder. We piled into my Tia’s suburban and I drove us all to Monterey and filled them up with organic juice and treats.

A couple of days after I left Salinas she fell ill. Her blood pressure was high again. She was the last person I spoke to from the airplane. I wanted to hear her tell me she loved me and she did, multiple times. I shut off my phone and relaxed into my long flight.

While I was in Paris I got the news she was in a very bad state. I didn’t ask what had happened because I didn’t want to know. I was already torn because I was so far away. I lit a candle for her at the Basilica Sacre-Coeur and prayed and prayed. The morning we were to fly out to Venice my Mom sent a message saying my Abuelita was better and on her way home. I continued to pray and light candles at every church we visited throughout the trip (and we visited A LOT).

I know I have to come to the realization that the end is near. I am selfish in feeling and wanting her to stay here on earth forever. My Abuelita is the pillar of our family. She is the reason my family is here in the United States. She had the balls at the age of forty five to up and leave her eight children behind in México to find work across the border in California as a nanny so she could send money back home. It is because of her my family has the opportunities we have today. She migrated north and set down roots for us here. She worked hard and sacrificed hard to make money for her family. She raised hard working children. She makes me proud. I think of her every time I want to give up and shut down production on my projects. I am here because of her. I have a good life in a good country because of her.

It’s in my blood to work hard and not to give up.

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