La Curandera-Native Healer

The room is tiny with nothing much but a small chair to the right of me where my grey tank top and bra are draped over the back side and on the opposite side is a corner bureau filled with glass bottles and herbs. There is a thin sheet over the wood table I lay on. My eyes dart around the walls covered in bamboo then to the ceiling trying not to feel self-conscience that I am laying topless as Dona Olivia and her partner Armando prepare themselves. I close my eyes and I remind myself why I am here. It was just three weeks earlier while listening to my favorite radio program as I  prepared dinner that I heard the guest comment on the spiritual retreat in Teotihuacan, Mexico at the end of the month. I stopped what I was doing and goggled the guest. The location couldn’t be more sacred or magical. One week of ceremonies and practices from the Toltec wisdom tradition (The Toltec’s were priests, scientists, and teachers of the Art of Life) with three shamans at the pyramids. I had always wanted to visit the pyramids and I had always heard of the powerful energy at the site. The flyer on the website said, “Illuminating those places in our minds where fearful beliefs limits our happiness, peace and joy. Reborn with expanded awareness- awakening to the truth of who we really are- and restoring the innate magnificence of our authentic selves. The journey ends with a visit to the Basilica of Guadalupe.” I don’t believe in coincidence. This was meant for me to experience. I was sure of this. I booked the retreat.

I sat on my suitcase outside the cantina at the airport in Mexico City clutching onto a copy of the email with the specific instructions and waited for the other people flying in from various places around the world to show up. I had no idea what to expect, but the guy leading the retreat had been on two of the radio programs I swear by so I knew I had to be in good hands. Shortly afterwards a small group gathered outside the cantina next to me. I sensed they were part of the same retreat since they were talking to one another and approached them. It turns they all met last year and liked it so much they were doing it again. We piled into the mini-bus and drove to the casa outside the pyramids.

Forty five minutes later we  pulled into the driveway as the huge metal gate slowly opened. The mini-bus carefully entered the vibrant blue spacious compound that dates back one hundred years. We passed a water fountain, huge crystals and small statues. The mini-bus stopped and a crowd of about ten people gathered outside singing along to, All You Need Is Love. WHAT THE FUCK did I get myself into, I thought. I’m known to be a little impulsive and maybe this was one of those times. FUCK! I should have just gone to that yoga retreat. I was the last one out of the mini-bus hoping no one would notice me and I could make a quick escape to my assigned room. Not a chance. As I stepped out I was greeted with hugs and more singing. I smiled and hugged back.

“I don’t think this is for me,” I said that night from deep beneath the blankets I had buried myself under in bed. “Everyone knows each other and I’m the ONLY latina in the group. I don’t fit in,” I said in a whisper to my husband over the telephone hoping no one would here me. “I wish I could leave.”

Our schedule for the week was the following: Breakfast was at eight in the morning in the large dining room. Always followed up with a meeting in The Teaching Salon. Morning meetings were to go over that days work and at which pyramid. After our work at the pyramids we had free time. Dinner was at five followed by another meeting in The Teaching Salon. The evening was always capped off with a light snack.

On our first morning over breakfast I made small talk to the couple of people near me at the end of the large dining table. Everyone was kind, but I mostly kept to myself still feeling a made a massive mistake. I then followed everyone to The Teaching Salon. I removed my shoes and walked inside. On one side of the Salon was a stunning mural of the Virgin of Guadalupe. On the opposite side of the Salon was a large obsidian sphere and large floor-level plate glass mirrors for mirror work and there was floor seating shaped in a circle in the middle of the room. In front of the mural were two huge signing bowls, flowers, candles, meditation bells, stones and Palo Santo burning. We then were instructed to step outside onto the grass and roll around in it, “To ground ourselves and get in touch with the sacred land.” You got to be kidding me, I thought. So out I went and slowly bent down onto the grass and quickly rolled myself around hoping I wouldn’t get any grass blades or dirt on my clothes. Ten seconds was enough for me to feel “in touch”. I jumped up and resumed my position on the floor inside The Salon.

After being serenaded with some of the most beautiful lyrics I had ever heard we began our walk in silence to the pyramids. The only sound heard was the crunching of the dirt rocks we stepped on along the way. As soon as we entered the grounds I was overcome with emotion. The space was enormous and the pyramids stood proudly throughout the land. The sacred land.

It was later that day on our way back from the pyramids that several people were talking about Doña Olivia and the appointments they had with her. I asked what the appointments were for. “Do you believe in Curanderas?” I was asked.

I’m Mexican. Of course I believe in Curanderas. A big part of my youth was spent waiting on couches while my older Bro was being healed by one. Man, Woman, it didn’t matter. Every time my Mom heard of a “good” one, back we went.

Even though I had countless memories of a Curandera reading from the bible and cracking open an egg to reveal what my Bro’s problem was, I had never personally been “treated” by one. I booked an appointment for the next day.

The location couldn’t be any more captivating. Doña Olivia’s home sits facing the back of the Pyramid of the Moon-the second largest pyramid in Teotihuacan. Some have referred to the Pyramid of the Moon as Mother or protective stone. I walked into the covered outdoor patio and looked around at the dozens of stones, feathers, crystals and paintings scattered throughout the space. I was told I would been seen shortly. I took a seat and thought about why I was here.

I had once again gone through major turmoil with my family during the past year. All of the feelings from my past came rushing in. I was flooded with emotional and psychological anguish. I could not take another day of feeling this way. I did not want to spend another day this way. I knew the hurt I carried would only hurt me and would eventually cause my body to break down and I am wasn’t down with that shit.

A man approached me and motioned me to follow. Outside we passed a group of  young adults wearing white clothes singing around a fire pit. The outdoor area was surrounding by succulents, trees, huge marijuana plants and a sweat lodge was tucked in the corner.

I open my eyes and look around again. I see them shuffle around one another as Doña Olivia grabs a glass bottle filled with some sort of oil and Armando moves closer to my left side with Sage and a liter. The singing outside distracts me as Dona Olivia’s apprentices are building a fire for the sweat lodge that is about to begin.

Armando stands over me. He is wearing a black baseball hat and a white shirt with light blue embroidery across the front. I try real hard to stare him directly in the eyes and pray that he doesn’t sense how uncomfortable I am.

With his free hand he touches my left arm, “I want you to know that I have done this hundreds of times. Please, there is nothing to be uncomfortable about.” His eyes are very soft and I automatically trust him.

I nod and slowly release the air that I held trapped in my chest. Doña Olivia begins to massage my legs and feet with the oil.

“Alright, I am going to burn Sage over your seven chakras. Wherever the smoke stays stagnate is where there is blockage.”

I pay attention as he lights the Sage then brings it to his mouth and sucks on it. The end crackles with red and orange fire and he directs his hand to the top of my head as I close my eyes and breathe. I feel the warmth of the smoke over my head, then forehead and throat. He pulls another drag from the Sage and is now over my heart. I continue to breathe slowly.

“I am going to apply pressure to the middle of your chest and I want you to tell me if it hurts.”

He places the Sage down. He barely touches me and I groan. It surprises me since I had no idea that I had pain in this area. Yet all of a sudden it feels as though I have an enormous bruise there.

“What’s going on? What are you holding onto?”

Abruptly my eyes fill with tears and I regress to an eight year old girl. “I am hurt.”

“Who hurt you?”

“My Stepdad for turning his back on me when we were such good friends and my Mom for not protecting me and my older Bro from unfair treatment.”

“We must forgive and let go. You are only hurting yourself.” He softly strokes my arm.

I nod, “I understand. This is why I am here.”

“I am going to apply pressure in the same area as before three times and I want you to take a deep breath with me and let out a profound scream that represents the pain you carry and are now releasing.”

I close my eyes. With his fingers in the middle of my chest cavity  we take a deep breath as he pushes down. I feel the pain again. I let out a scream only that it is more of a little, tiny, weeny one.

“Let’s try this again. Don’t be shy.”

With my eyes still closed I nod and push the voices that ring loud inside my head telling me how afraid I feel and take a deep breath in. Again, together we take  a deep breath in as he pushes down and I finally let out a heavy scream. We take another deep breath another push and I let out a powerful scream. The singing outside gets intense as I get louder. We take one last deep breath together and one last push and I let out my final thundering howl with so much agony, sadness and despair that my body shakes uncontrollably as tears flow down my face. I go on howling and the singing gets deafening until I finally run out of breath.

With my eyes still closed Doña Olivia massages my entire body as I work on slowing my breathing down and catch my breath. After a few minutes I open my eyes and see her round face smiling at me. Her salt and pepper hair is tied back in a bun and her red beaded necklace moves up and down on top of her chest as her body moves. Armando takes another drag of the Sage and circles over my chest.

He smiles down at me, “The smoke lifted directly up and above you, no longer stagnate.”

 

P.S.

Just in case if you were wondering. After a week of pure bliss with my new family I did not want to return home.