Love Don’t Live Here Anymore…

Hello there. This past mercury retrograde sure played with my emotions -I knew it was coming via Instagram, which by the way I absolutely love. I never, ever thought I would say such a thing and if you personally know me, you for sure never expected me to say such a thing, but it’s TRUE. I love all the information and what I am learning via the people I choose to follow. I hope to one day be the person that people follow to learn and find inspiration from. In the meantime, I tag my friends and family like crazy. Some tell me to kick back and others welcome the inconvenient truth. I am an extremely passionate person, so when I discover something that can help decrease the harm we are doing to our bodies or planet I SHARE. I like to see myself as a mini activist- During this mercury retrograde AND the only full moon for the entire year in Scorpio, I was prepared. I knew I was going to be especially sensitive and emotional. I can be very hard on myself so I was extra gentle with my thoughts and feelings and everything was cope astatic during the day, but come night time and it was ON. I’m a vivid dreamer as it is and during these past couple of weeks I dreamt a lot. Some were crazy ass ones and others were of my teenage love. As you know I believe in EVERYTHING so I really dig dreams because I know they are a piece of the puzzle. However, whenever it comes down to my dreams with teenage love, I find myself questioning whether he actually came to me in my dreams or am I making it all up?

I happened to be at a concert Art Laboe hosted the night of the full moon in Scorpio on April 22nd. I try not to pass up a concert Art hosts. I adore Art so much. He has kept me company during some very difficult times in my life as well as some very reckless fun ones! There is no one like him on the radio. I discovered Art when I was sixteen. I was sent to live at my Tia’s house for a school semester (I will share the shenanigans about that time in my life later) and every Sunday night I listened to Art Laboe and his Killer Oldies program. I lay in bed and reminisced about my first crush, first kiss as song after song played on the radio. Music does that. It has a way of transporting you back in time and to a different place when things were much, much different. Dedications fill the air time and for that evening people all over the world stop and tune in to his program. It’s a cool feeling to know that in the evening Art has a way of bringing a community of people together. The night of the concert I sat in my seat, inhaled a little marijuana and transported back to when I was a teenager and kicking it and ruffing it with my friends. I’ve said it before and I will say it again, those teenage years filled with heartbreaks, friendships, fights, ditching parties, joy rides, drugs, forty ounce Miller Genuine Draft/Crazy Horse beer, getting arrested etc. were the BEST times of my life. It was during those years that I met my one true love and it was he that broke my heart so badly that I still have a deep, profound scar from it and towards the end, the very end I know I too broke his heart. He was the reason I played Love Don’t Live Here Anymore by Rose Royce on REPEAT for years. And to be honest, I have yet to recover from that heartbreak. To this day I cannot hear that song by Rose Royce and not break down. The sort of break down that brings you to your knees and your throat and gut aches with pain from crying. That is the love I shared with him. He was my first true love. He and I experienced many things together and shared deep secrets. Our love was innocent, heartbreaking, curious, fearless, devoted, ravenous, passionate, young love that really is once in a lifetime. We found each other and latched on tight until the wheels fell off.

I feel that it is time to dust off the memoir I have written about us and get to work on the re-write. All the reasons why I haven’t are truly relevant, you’ll see. Maybe this is why I am dreaming of him. It’s either him telling me to get off my ass and finally do it or my sub-conscience knowing I need to do this and share what my Husband calls a street love affair. For years I didn’t speak of this time in my life nor could I stand to listen to Art Laboe, it was beyond painful.

Full moons symbolize closure, endings and release. Being that I already spend most of my time thinking of all three I decided the night of the full moon to look up and tell her my hopes and dreams and to face all my fears with hope in my heart.

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